I don’t know what to say. IS everything so fucked? Every metaphysic I look at contains numerous restrictions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What is actually open?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The red bali is a little more state-headspace (though still mild). It’s clean, which is good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had some food. I don’t know if it counts as dinner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don’t know what to say. My papa is fucked, perpetually. I told him to ask his Dr. abt brain pills (for his paranoid delusions). I don’t really have any friends, && my parents are not the right people to talk to. It’s inappropriate of me to be open && honest about my personality with them. So it’s been tough on me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Redoubling my efforts to get a job in pharma. I have some good experience, I realized today. I just need to be a little prouder of how good at science I am. Science && collaboration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don’t know what else to say. I’m sorry, for that, for nothing, for everything (else).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What else COULD it be? I make so many mistakes, and I don’t know where they go. People abuse me, && they think I don’t get it–no, no, it’s a delusion of reference (you think people are talking about you when they aren’t).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don’t want to bring in the word Ego, I don’t know really anything about philosophy, to be honest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It’s not good to be too happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don’t know what to say. I never do anything right. I’m not suicidal nor homicidal, fyi. So there’s that. (Surprising, isn’t it).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don’t know. Happy accidents?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don’t know what else to say. It’s strange to find one’s own brain entertaining.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I really want this job I’m working on. I’m writing a cover letter, && tuning up my resume for the position.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I WILL use an AI for feedback, most likely–&& ignore absofuckinglutely half of what it says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wonder if my father is dejected b\/c I have a short attention span.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Or maybe he thought I have a short attention span.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I’ve been through the ceiling w\/anxiety for so long. Locked up… in the metaphysic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What else could it be?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I’m done w\/cheesy shitfucks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What else could it be?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There are other things out there. Earth’s economy is thriving b\/c of space exploration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My investments are somewhat international.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don’t know…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I’m sorry. I’ve been causing a lot of problems, && people overstep their bounds commonly, && it really isn’t welcome. It fucks me over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then someone exploits me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What is the nature of the world? Does anything matter?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry for ranting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Catching up on french audiobooks I bought a while ago. Just finished one about Europe, to speak broadly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I want a stable life. && I can’t do it all myself. My parents are terrible, terrible people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But they are good, they are caring, they care. They are intelligent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But they are terrible, terrible people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
&& I don’t know what to say. But what else could it be?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dead cold stan’d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What fuck.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Shit fuck shit fuck shit fuck.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What shit fuck.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They get, then they don’t get.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
THEY are not my issue. THEY don’t even fucking exist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Imaginary republicans I guess.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But I don’t mean to offend anyone. I do need to vote soon, I forgot about it today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I just hope, or rather, don’t give a flying fuck abt, care zero about, voting on time happens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Happens\/happening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Fuck you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Shit fuck ass nigger thizz bitch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Retards everywhere. They are not good people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They steal things from me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Who is this shit. Wasting my life?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don’t know what to say. To carry on a culture, I’ll just say: I’m sorry for this.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I don’t know what to say. IS everything so fucked? Every metaphysic I look at contains numerous restrictions. What is actually open? … The red bali is a little more state-headspace (though still mild). It’s clean, which is good. I … Continue reading