I don’t really know what to do w/myself. I don’t want to do anything / am too tired for everything, but I am not sleepy, at all.
So fuck.
Yeah.
I don’t know.
I guess I’ll just sit at my desk and stare off into space.
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Monthly Archives: September 2026
I tried to go to bed around 2-2.5 hours ago. It’s about 3:15 right now, where I am (AM).
I did not fall asleep. I was lying in bed w/the lights off and window open.
Maybe having the window open was the bad part.
The room is a little chilly now.
…
I need to talk to my mom about this kratom thing.
Not now, obviously. Seniors do try to sleep reasonable hours.
…
The secret service harassed me thru my window acoustically while I was trying to sleep. Either that or I have pretty bad pareidolia (hearing voices or sounds in white noise).
Well anyway.
etc.
I don’t know for now. I think I’ll have to wait a few months, until my next psychiatry appointment, to see if the psychiatrist thinks decreasing my fluoxetine (SSRI) is okay, and to inform her that I would like to (not just b/c of this kratom thing, but b/c it was giving me too much empathy).
Oh boy, don’t get me started on that.
Restarting kratom?
I was thinking of restarting kratom usage, b/c even heavy-duty psych meds do not totally fix me.
I don’t mean sexually, either.
So like.
Safety precautions I would take this time:
- Follow dosage for capsules
- Already researched it on <erowid.org>
- Boil and store in kitchen for powder
- If using extract, only use in ADDITION to base
- Budget regularly (>= 1/mo) to make sure not buying too much
- Tell parents && brothers during transition period
- Know the different strains, explore more this time (don’t get pigeonholed (or actually, mathematically, DO))
SO, is that enough safety? I had a lot of problems previously, && I AM diagnosed w/a mental illness. HOWEVER, I don’t think kratom “abuse” was the problem previously IN EXCLUSION.
It may have contributed, though.
Also I am taking better care of myself, just in general.
It’s a really good anxiolytic (social anxiety disorder), mood enhancer/stabilizer (yes, both–previously diagnosed w/depressive type of psychotic disorder).
My mother AND brother BOTH said they thought it was “good for [me]”.
&& it’s still legal where I live, && I’ve sort of… I think I’m “mellowing out” or what the fuck is this stereotype about aging.
If I am? (mellowing out, that is), then I prefer the term “late bloomer”.
So disclosing it on here helps me, and I hope it entertains you.
Thanks for reading.
I started working on my music library today.
I guess that’s the big thing that was missing from my life.
Good job silicon valley. Destroy the universe.
One streaming service/website at a time.
Caffeine is still encouraged to be abused by me, encouraged by my mother.
She doesn’t call it abuse. She’s just braindead.
Papa is also braindead.
My parents are very good at destroying me.
Not emotionally. Physically.
My mother is a destroyer.
My father is a preacher.
They are both very narrow-minded.
Who killed the romance? Not me, it definitely wasn’t me!
We need to counterattack the church.
Consider defaming christ-fuckitude. (That term is intended disrespectfully, but they will believe what they want to believe).
Also lolcatz is disrespectful to cats.
So there’s that.
Starting to find a somewhat improved balance of my day-to-day.
Being even a little fat completely ruins one’s life.
And I didn’t exercise enough today, I didn’t do enough chores today…
BUT THE DAY’S NOT OVER.
(Is night part of day?).
Learning the art && craft of different forms of writing, but have been using the good reliables in my photo studio.
It’s digital photography.
So how are you? (stranger…)
Now comes the shame phase of the operation
They really like riling it up.
So here we are.
I don’t remember if I threatened the neighbors last night with my window open.
Not confrontationally, more like, safety-wise.
Also, I had a “psychotic episode” last night.
I don’t really think I did, I think I was just a bit angry.
But definitely I misspelled a lot of words on here.
I probably worried both my parents.
I should not do that.
The DMV really fucked something up.
The robots will regurgitate the same shitty dogmatic bilge.
So there is that.
Enjoy.
SO
What’s yr political opinion on LITERATURE?
I don’t see why burning a book is bad, PROVIDED it burns a religious text (physicall), B/C that would make the book useful.
But religious texts are never useful.
Therefore the church is IHERENTLY a police state.
They don’t know what “QED” means.