Tag Archives: kratom

Kratom update

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I’m reaching the point that I am stopping counting my dosage throughout the day.

This means I am reaching an intermediate skill level in usage of the plant.

I can estimate from memory @ the end of the day (if I need to) && add the 0.5 g addition (offset) on top to be on the safe side.

Am I addicted to kratom?

Yes.

But I don’t like the word addicted.

Am I addicted to risperidone? Fluoxetine? Olanzapine? Clonazepam?

Well anyway. So there’s that argument, which isn’t given nearly enough light in MD PhD (psychiatric) programs.

I am not addicted to kratom. I depend on it. It is a plant. People have evolved w/psychoactive plants for millions of years. Hundreds of millions of years. I don’t know.

So like, it helps me. It is a good plant. It is an herb. It is a good herb.

I have safety mechanisms in place to control the dependence. But the plant depends on me, too.

It is commensal. Or mutual beneficial (whatever the ecology term is).

So, has anyone considered that it may actually be SAFER to use kratom? For me? Personally?

Do you even know me? My situation? Then how can you know?

You’re not my doctor. Go home.

This is purely for argument’s sake. But it is pragmatic/applied to real circumstances.

So, I would say, have a good stock on hand (few months supply), && if it becomes illegal in some republican shitshow or something, or something happens (shit happens, after all), you have a liberal buffer for tapering off.

I recommend tapering to cold turkey. Cold turkey isn’t always physiologically safe. It depends, of course. Sometimes one is safer, sometimes the other is safer.

So have an exit plan. Just in case.

But for now, enjoy the beauty of this moment.

You have an intricate relation with a plant, from the Earth. This is beautiful.

Enjoy what it gives. The headspace, the relaxation/focus (depending on strain && cocktail composition), the sociability.

I think this is safe, && I am in a good place.

So for now, that’s about it.

Thanks for reading.

Blah(((-blah)

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I had some other things to say, but I forgot what.

What was it about?

…

I think, if anything, I like red veins more so far. They’re more calming/take-the-edge-off (very gentle/weak, though, compared to a strong sedative). Green Maeng Da was my go to in the run-up, what lead to I mean, my kratom addiction that landed me in a psych ward, prison, etc.

Obviously I also have a mental illness, that was sort of like, correlated.

(But correlation doesn’t imply causation).

I read (past-tense) How to Lie w/Statistics in high school, in AP Statistics.

I really liked that course. Super fun to mess w/numbers.

And the more esoteric forms of abstract probability are fascinating to me.

I am a very technical && abstract mind.

Although strictly speaking, it is disrespectful to an intelligent person to say “my brain” or “your brain” instead of “me” or “you”.

Reading some yoga theory.

I won’t name any names, for the sake of my confidentiality && safety.

It’s like, borderline philosophy.

But it’s a good supplement to my yoga practice. I practice on my own. I do not teach.

That’s about it for now.

Thanks for reading.~

))

Physiological baseline

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So, to contextualize my opinions/findings about kratom so far, some basic physiological facts about me:

Am age 30s-40s

Male

Caucasian

Average height, slightly overweight

That’s that.

Now you have the factors at play (in the vein of safety && transparency) when I say like, “oh this worked for me” or “this is obviously an important sub-issue”.

Thanks for reading.~

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You can modify the skepticism offset anywhere from low to high (I use 0.5 g, 1.0 g is also sort of, standardish I would say), to help reduce (in theory) dependence on kratom, when dosing using [how much you thought you took] + [skepticism offset] = [how much you for all practical purposes assume you took].

This just is another safety measure for anyone using herbal medicines to help w/their problems.

Hooray, hooray. What a sunny differential.

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Hello. Good morning. I’m tired && I took 2 green pills, 3 red pills, = 2.5 g kratom this morning, after waking up, w/my morning dosage of psych meds && supplements.

That’s the nice part of having a sustainable herbal medicine supply. I’m trying to wake up earlier in the day. Previously I was sleeping in until 2 PM. I’m trying to wake up at 10 AM from now on, except maybe on Saturdays.

The morning perk is nice, especially the weather is getting to wet California fall nowadays. The heat waves were pretty bad this fall.

I hope you’re doing well. I do try too hard, often.

I don’t know. What needs to be done. What needs to be done.

What done?

…

Very sleepy right now.

I guess I’ll go get some green tea. Not kratom, just green tea I mean.

Thanks for reading.

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I don’t know what to say. IS everything so fucked? Every metaphysic I look at contains numerous restrictions.

What is actually open?

…

The red bali is a little more state-headspace (though still mild). It’s clean, which is good.

I had some food. I don’t know if it counts as dinner.

I don’t know what to say. My papa is fucked, perpetually. I told him to ask his Dr. abt brain pills (for his paranoid delusions). I don’t really have any friends, && my parents are not the right people to talk to. It’s inappropriate of me to be open && honest about my personality with them. So it’s been tough on me.

Redoubling my efforts to get a job in pharma. I have some good experience, I realized today. I just need to be a little prouder of how good at science I am. Science && collaboration.

I don’t know what else to say. I’m sorry, for that, for nothing, for everything (else).

What else COULD it be? I make so many mistakes, and I don’t know where they go. People abuse me, && they think I don’t get it–no, no, it’s a delusion of reference (you think people are talking about you when they aren’t).

I don’t want to bring in the word Ego, I don’t know really anything about philosophy, to be honest.

It’s not good to be too happy.

I don’t know what to say. I never do anything right. I’m not suicidal nor homicidal, fyi. So there’s that. (Surprising, isn’t it).

I don’t know. Happy accidents?

I don’t know what else to say. It’s strange to find one’s own brain entertaining.

I really want this job I’m working on. I’m writing a cover letter, && tuning up my resume for the position.

I WILL use an AI for feedback, most likely–&& ignore absofuckinglutely half of what it says.

I wonder if my father is dejected b/c I have a short attention span.

Or maybe he thought I have a short attention span.

I’ve been through the ceiling w/anxiety for so long. Locked up… in the metaphysic.

What else could it be?

I’m done w/cheesy shitfucks.

What else could it be?

There are other things out there. Earth’s economy is thriving b/c of space exploration.

My investments are somewhat international.

I don’t know…

I’m sorry. I’ve been causing a lot of problems, && people overstep their bounds commonly, && it really isn’t welcome. It fucks me over.

Then someone exploits me.

What is the nature of the world? Does anything matter?

I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry for ranting.

Catching up on french audiobooks I bought a while ago. Just finished one about Europe, to speak broadly.

I want a stable life. && I can’t do it all myself. My parents are terrible, terrible people.

But they are good, they are caring, they care. They are intelligent.

But they are terrible, terrible people.

&& I don’t know what to say. But what else could it be?

Dead cold stan’d.

What fuck.

Shit fuck shit fuck shit fuck.

What shit fuck.

They get, then they don’t get.

THEY are not my issue. THEY don’t even fucking exist.

Imaginary republicans I guess.

…

But I don’t mean to offend anyone. I do need to vote soon, I forgot about it today.

I just hope, or rather, don’t give a flying fuck abt, care zero about, voting on time happens.

Happens/happening.

Fuck you.

Shit fuck ass nigger thizz bitch.

Retards everywhere. They are not good people.

They steal things from me.

Who is this shit. Wasting my life?

…

I don’t know what to say. To carry on a culture, I’ll just say: I’m sorry for this.

Kratom check-in (do take the horse shit, it’s the high end of the offer)

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~2.5 g green maeng da
~5 g red borneo

sum = 7.5 g kratom

I woke up earlier today && had to deal w/more today, though, so I would expect the dosage to be higher. Also there was a medical apt (therapist–she’s really stupid, && not that professional) in the morning, which is always draining (America’s worldwide famous shit–yes, even in liberal states–healthcare system).

So I would expect like 2 g more.

My daily limit is about 6-8 g.

So for tonight (&& no need to take–most of the time–if body does not say it would help), I should expect 8 – 10 g.

Try to cap it at 9. Basic addiction check.

So yeah.

So I CAN HAVE IF I WANT: 9 – 7.5 g = 1.5 more g, which rounds up to 2 g (4 pills).

Hopefully this coincides meaningfully w/the evening being more under control.

Also I didn’t exercise today yet, so we’ll have to at least do yoga.

I am losing weight, though. I guess. I really like weight lifting. But walking (or jogging) builds travel skills.

Which I, as a stupid wasteful American, do not possess.

So we have some variables to work with.

I guess I should be thankful for the degrees of freedom.

Or some horse shit.

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I don’t know. Either I’m unusually high-strung as a person, or red Borneo is a weak red.

I HAVE been relaxed before. I sort of remember what it feels like.

Ghost pepper sauce is more sneaky than strong.

I am thinking maybe 0.5 g more green maeng da, just for the opy-ness.

Other strains to buy later:

  • red maeng da? y/n?
  • green or white for something rated good for sociability.

I mean every strain has a persona, so getting to know more of them would be nice, and it would sort of interact w/itself.

Daily update, kratom, etc.

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I have noticed drastic improvements to my mood && social skills (if you believe there is any such thing)–but NOT something that would be considered abnormal for me personality-wise.

If you can’t tell, I like kratom.

Apparently they are selling liquid extract mixed w/coffee. THAT is wakeup juice + pain medication = ready for a helluva day.

Fuck yeah.

…

I think IF you want to track how much kratom y’re taking per day, to sort of monitor addiction, I would recommend just tracking one number: mass of kratom ingested or what-the-shit, consumed, whatever, “topically applied to intestines or mucous membranes”.

So for me, today, so far the morning was 1 g. The workbreak was 1.5 g.

&& the evening so far has been 2 g.

So FOR TODAY SO FAR: 4.5 g.

That is a reasonable dose FOR ME.

Everyone responds differently, && I think the Earth’s socializers (humans && ants) are tipping the scale in favour of herbalism being like, a real thing.

So more information on more plants should be available in the future.

Here’s to hoping, && helping.

Acha~

Challenge not accepted(?)

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What I wanted to say about kratom, too, was that it gave me an unpleasant brain fog this morning, so I had to hydrate, eat breakfast, snack on fresh onions, etc. The usual.

So recently, this evening, it gave me a sort of intense daydream state. Reality blending w/fantasy.

That is what it is known for.

And so, I never really had that much of that previously, in my first time using it (which did factually devolve into addiction && abuse (the plant abused me)).

I was always chasing the euphoria properties of it.

But discovering that it can make dreamstate stronger definitely strengthens what films like Inception make it out to be.

(Inception is about opiates, btw).

SO anyway.

Fuck you bitch, shit fuck for free gratuity hate england hate us hate fuck shit countries.

I did my language lessons today.

It’s starting to be habitual.

But like… for a just environmental challenge, something to take me down && make it real.

Upcycling does that.

I’m too tired to even start, though.

So I might reschedule it.

…