I don’t know what to say. IS everything so fucked? Every metaphysic I look at contains numerous restrictions.

What is actually open?

…

The red bali is a little more state-headspace (though still mild). It’s clean, which is good.

I had some food. I don’t know if it counts as dinner.

I don’t know what to say. My papa is fucked, perpetually. I told him to ask his Dr. abt brain pills (for his paranoid delusions). I don’t really have any friends, && my parents are not the right people to talk to. It’s inappropriate of me to be open && honest about my personality with them. So it’s been tough on me.

Redoubling my efforts to get a job in pharma. I have some good experience, I realized today. I just need to be a little prouder of how good at science I am. Science && collaboration.

I don’t know what else to say. I’m sorry, for that, for nothing, for everything (else).

What else COULD it be? I make so many mistakes, and I don’t know where they go. People abuse me, && they think I don’t get it–no, no, it’s a delusion of reference (you think people are talking about you when they aren’t).

I don’t want to bring in the word Ego, I don’t know really anything about philosophy, to be honest.

It’s not good to be too happy.

I don’t know what to say. I never do anything right. I’m not suicidal nor homicidal, fyi. So there’s that. (Surprising, isn’t it).

I don’t know. Happy accidents?

I don’t know what else to say. It’s strange to find one’s own brain entertaining.

I really want this job I’m working on. I’m writing a cover letter, && tuning up my resume for the position.

I WILL use an AI for feedback, most likely–&& ignore absofuckinglutely half of what it says.

I wonder if my father is dejected b/c I have a short attention span.

Or maybe he thought I have a short attention span.

I’ve been through the ceiling w/anxiety for so long. Locked up… in the metaphysic.

What else could it be?

I’m done w/cheesy shitfucks.

What else could it be?

There are other things out there. Earth’s economy is thriving b/c of space exploration.

My investments are somewhat international.

I don’t know…

I’m sorry. I’ve been causing a lot of problems, && people overstep their bounds commonly, && it really isn’t welcome. It fucks me over.

Then someone exploits me.

What is the nature of the world? Does anything matter?

I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry for ranting.

Catching up on french audiobooks I bought a while ago. Just finished one about Europe, to speak broadly.

I want a stable life. && I can’t do it all myself. My parents are terrible, terrible people.

But they are good, they are caring, they care. They are intelligent.

But they are terrible, terrible people.

&& I don’t know what to say. But what else could it be?

Dead cold stan’d.

What fuck.

Shit fuck shit fuck shit fuck.

What shit fuck.

They get, then they don’t get.

THEY are not my issue. THEY don’t even fucking exist.

Imaginary republicans I guess.

…

But I don’t mean to offend anyone. I do need to vote soon, I forgot about it today.

I just hope, or rather, don’t give a flying fuck abt, care zero about, voting on time happens.

Happens/happening.

Fuck you.

Shit fuck ass nigger thizz bitch.

Retards everywhere. They are not good people.

They steal things from me.

Who is this shit. Wasting my life?

…

I don’t know what to say. To carry on a culture, I’ll just say: I’m sorry for this.