Tag Archives: blog post

Despondency.

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I don’t know. It’s sort of difficult. I find things, I don’t find things, I find things, I don’t find things.

Despondency.

The whole personality of the place is a ruinous cartographer’s dominion.

I don’t know what else to say.

Sorry for “fuck shit ass” etc.ing all the time. Lots of isms from me.

Well in any case.

I wasn’t planning on NOT isolating, but now that I’m starting to (NOT isolate, that is), maybe I should be more polite, dare I say, courteous?

The contrast may make you thinking I have bipolar, or am belligerent in character.

Yeah maybe.

…

I don’t know.

Sorry about all the stuff.

Your stuff.

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My eyes are very unhealthy.

I have very bad eye bags.

I don’t know what dark circles are.

…

I’m trying to learn 8 languages:

(in no particular order, except for French, which is first (foreign language) (just use a combinatorial if you need to prioritize it, in your readership):

Computers don’t work anymore.

…

So the languages I am trying to learn are:

French

Dutch

Japanese

Spanish

More American English

Mathematics

Music (playing, ear training, playing, like the piano I play that I just mentioned)

&& Russian Ukrainian (using study of Russian)

…

This obviously will go at a v. slow pace, b/c I am fickle according to others, && I am disenfranchised sort of.

But more importantly, it is a broad spectrum of language.

That’s why I mentioned French as 1st foreign language to study.

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Someone is talking again, in a deranged sort of high frequency voice, so it’s sort of unsettling to live here. In this area.

…

This blog is anonymous, and cyber-secure.

Thanks for reading.

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So salsa fresh

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I don’t know. I just want to be better. I want to feel better, not as bad. I want to be more responsible. I want things to be easier, less hard. Except I guess when you’re doing like work type stuff–and even then, I often am confronted w/an impossible wall. There’s a difference between challenge && overload.

Yeah. So, like, if you think this, do that; && vice versa.

So why would it reason? What are the metrics for tax season?

…

I don’t like much personal history. But I’m finally starting to move on, re-stabilize, && see what I should be doing to push humanity’s envelope.

I would like to be more stable. This SSRI was not good for my panic. I think it didn’t make it any better, but maybe it taught me enough to deal w/it on my own (the panic, not the SSRI–the latter I’m decreasing w/my psychochiatrist).

I’m really enthused about switching from science to engineering. I will be have to learn a lot more basics && network like hell to find a decent job, but everyone needs a home away from home.

So anyway.

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Did I make you saaad?, with discretion?

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I don’t really know what to say. Everything has been at a loss for so long. I guess some people are genuinely scared of writing, sort of like how I am genuinely scared of trying new things before I’m ready to.

I love writing. It’s such a rich medium. && I’m learning some foreign languages (mostly French), and learning new American English vocab words, so hopefully my ability to express myself naturally improves.

I’m glad interesting people still exist, too. There were some folks in the neighborhood I heard, and there was some like, I think they know me or at least know of me, and I was listening to them sort of drink whiskey and enjoy some weed (is there any dignified term for that drug?), slowly. And it was slow, and nice. And I felt involved, even though I was just at my desk in my room (is it immature to have a “my room”?), and it was a shared moment, despite the separation. We were “on the same wavelength”–and they were sort of shadowy, so I don’t even know if they were hallucinations or not. I have a mental illness so either thing is completely possible.

NEWEIGH.

What do you think?

I’m trying to be better.

Do better.

Taste better(?).

I don’t really know what any of this means.

But it’s decent to sort of, have comfort. Comfort is super-important. Adventure is also very important. I need both of these things just a tad more, to put it bluntly, in my life, to have a fulfilling remainder of my late 30s.

Age is such an illusory concept, too. You feel young, you are old–you are young, you feel old.

I don’t know.

Thanks for reading.

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What does it all meen??

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I don’t know what to say.

This is fusked.

What the shut.

Danm.

…

I don’t know why I have to do anything.

No one explains anything anymore.

There is not genuine motivation in me.

Hopefully the brain cells that the ssri/antipsychotics burned away can regrow.

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Yeah, parents, parents, parents, PARENTS.

Brothers, BROTHERS.

Fuck.

No one no where why with what this at station crawdad.

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Shit fuck you.

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Sorry.

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Fuck off.

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Sorry.

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I don’t know what else. I feel stuck.

I wonder when the next health-risking government interaction will be.

Social security @ its finest.

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Fuck shit ass nigger (but I’m not sure (this time? (why?))).

Fuck.

I give up.

Have you RECONSIDERED?

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As much green sencha tea as you want, whenever you want.

More sanity checks.

Parents.

California: overpriced && low quality.

You are paid. Not for yr scientific prowess, but nonetheless.

Keep pursuing professional engagement.

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Oh also fuck you. You shit fuck you you shit fuck off die die die shit fuck you.

Black people are shit trash kill yrself kill yrself kill yrself.

It’s safe to write.

Fuck off.

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Religion must die.

But boy is it a problem on the way.

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Fuck shit ass nigger thizz bitch. Die die die shit fuck you ass stupid retards kill yrselves fuckers die die shit fuck ass you stupid bitches fuck you shit you shit.

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You fucking shit. I am going to kill you.

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You stupid brainless chimps.

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Whether fore-cast

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Shit fuck ass tandori kitchen.

Kite kite kite kill yrself.

Oyyyyyy what appenstance disavowel.

Hey conundra.

Where do you live?

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Fuck shit ass nigger thizz bitch. Die die die kill yrself stupid fuck retards ass trash garbage whore ass shit fuck stupid lies lickety split. It does not lick itself. In the jaw.

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What else would you say is fuck’t?

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Just remember that time is NOT time-agnostic.

This is b/c clocks point to the time, or at the time.

And this implies there is a convergence between human (and organismal, in general) time perception and universal time flow.

Space weather… tho…

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Fuck shit ass nigger thizz bitch.

What else you want from a crab?

…

…

…

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Fuck shit ass nigger thizz bitch. This blog is therapy-approved.

Good garbage out there.

Bad garbage in here.

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What else would you like to psyonics fuckfuck?

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Two bullet holes, on on the right, and one on the wrong.

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Just talking baout my eyes.

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What else…

I don’t know.

Do you expect much from teenagers?

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Hey there brain cells. Cool it.

Shit your gun, shoot your hay barrel.

…

Or whut.

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Disavowal.

How quaint.

What pejorative lexicography.

What would you say is the ponrblayme here?

…

…

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Shit fuck ass nigger thizz bitch.

Need to get outdoors more often.

Didn’t spend much time in the garden today.

Everyone likes alone time, though. That’s when exploration happens.

,.,

What else would you re/co?

In density propositional.

What a stance.

(With gusto).

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Gustatory toenails.

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Divide or divine, ca m’est egal.

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Tender chicken.

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Stiff chicken.

…

[it cont.]

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