Fuck shit ass shit nigger thizz niggerbitches.
Die die fuck retard.
Die.
Ass.
i better stop for now, or i’m going to burn myself out on swearing && insults
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hello hello yes yes I’m around for the duration
Impressions of red borneo so far?
Super-gentle, does not overload you easily. Good to let work in the background while you try to relax.
Dosage rules still being questioned by me.
As I said, the morning is much more straightforward for me.
I re-dosed (for the 2nd time) w/1 g red borneo.
That’s a total for the evening session of 3.5 g red borneo and 0.5 g green maeng da.
That’s pretty good.
I don’t know why relaxing at night is so hard for me. Then again I grew up on intense athletics and high-energy video games.
So go figure.
I don’t know. I’m trying to do analog things. Screens are infectious.
Having said that, sometimes it is a good infection.
I don’t know.
I don’t know.
There was something else there.
How are you?
…
Oh yeah. How serious and boring.
Do you appreciate lust, or fuck it?
I don’t much do either.
Say here we are. Oh what haven.
What orgy.
What fuckage.
…
Was bound to happen sooner or later: it IS a french audiobook.
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If anyone wants to be acknowledged on our Blogroll page, just let us know.
Thanks fucking fucking thanks.
Despondency.
I don’t know. It’s sort of difficult. I find things, I don’t find things, I find things, I don’t find things.
Despondency.
The whole personality of the place is a ruinous cartographer’s dominion.
I don’t know what else to say.
Sorry for “fuck shit ass” etc.ing all the time. Lots of isms from me.
Well in any case.
I wasn’t planning on NOT isolating, but now that I’m starting to (NOT isolate, that is), maybe I should be more polite, dare I say, courteous?
The contrast may make you thinking I have bipolar, or am belligerent in character.
Yeah maybe.
…
I don’t know.
Sorry about all the stuff.
Your stuff.
My eyes are very unhealthy.
I have very bad eye bags.
I don’t know what dark circles are.
…
I’m trying to learn 8 languages:
(in no particular order, except for French, which is first (foreign language) (just use a combinatorial if you need to prioritize it, in your readership):
Computers don’t work anymore.
…
So the languages I am trying to learn are:
French
Dutch
Japanese
Spanish
More American English
Mathematics
Music (playing, ear training, playing, like the piano I play that I just mentioned)
&& Russian Ukrainian (using study of Russian)
…
This obviously will go at a v. slow pace, b/c I am fickle according to others, && I am disenfranchised sort of.
But more importantly, it is a broad spectrum of language.
That’s why I mentioned French as 1st foreign language to study.
…
Someone is talking again, in a deranged sort of high frequency voice, so it’s sort of unsettling to live here. In this area.
…
This blog is anonymous, and cyber-secure.
Thanks for reading.
The neighbors are harassing me verbally
The neighbors harass me regularly.
So California decided to drug me.
What a sad mistake.
So salsa fresh
I don’t know. I just want to be better. I want to feel better, not as bad. I want to be more responsible. I want things to be easier, less hard. Except I guess when you’re doing like work type stuff–and even then, I often am confronted w/an impossible wall. There’s a difference between challenge && overload.
Yeah. So, like, if you think this, do that; && vice versa.
So why would it reason? What are the metrics for tax season?
…
I don’t like much personal history. But I’m finally starting to move on, re-stabilize, && see what I should be doing to push humanity’s envelope.
I would like to be more stable. This SSRI was not good for my panic. I think it didn’t make it any better, but maybe it taught me enough to deal w/it on my own (the panic, not the SSRI–the latter I’m decreasing w/my psychochiatrist).
I’m really enthused about switching from science to engineering. I will be have to learn a lot more basics && network like hell to find a decent job, but everyone needs a home away from home.
So anyway.
Did I make you saaad?, with discretion?
I don’t really know what to say. Everything has been at a loss for so long. I guess some people are genuinely scared of writing, sort of like how I am genuinely scared of trying new things before I’m ready to.
I love writing. It’s such a rich medium. && I’m learning some foreign languages (mostly French), and learning new American English vocab words, so hopefully my ability to express myself naturally improves.
I’m glad interesting people still exist, too. There were some folks in the neighborhood I heard, and there was some like, I think they know me or at least know of me, and I was listening to them sort of drink whiskey and enjoy some weed (is there any dignified term for that drug?), slowly. And it was slow, and nice. And I felt involved, even though I was just at my desk in my room (is it immature to have a “my room”?), and it was a shared moment, despite the separation. We were “on the same wavelength”–and they were sort of shadowy, so I don’t even know if they were hallucinations or not. I have a mental illness so either thing is completely possible.
NEWEIGH.
What do you think?
I’m trying to be better.
Do better.
Taste better(?).
I don’t really know what any of this means.
But it’s decent to sort of, have comfort. Comfort is super-important. Adventure is also very important. I need both of these things just a tad more, to put it bluntly, in my life, to have a fulfilling remainder of my late 30s.
Age is such an illusory concept, too. You feel young, you are old–you are young, you feel old.
I don’t know.
Thanks for reading.
What does it all meen??
I don’t know what to say.
This is fusked.
What the shut.
Danm.
…
I don’t know why I have to do anything.
No one explains anything anymore.
There is not genuine motivation in me.
Hopefully the brain cells that the ssri/antipsychotics burned away can regrow.
…
Yeah, parents, parents, parents, PARENTS.
Brothers, BROTHERS.
Fuck.
No one no where why with what this at station crawdad.
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Shit fuck you.
…
Sorry.
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Fuck off.
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Sorry.
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I don’t know what else. I feel stuck.
I wonder when the next health-risking government interaction will be.
Social security @ its finest.
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Fuck shit ass nigger (but I’m not sure (this time? (why?))).
Fuck.
I give up.
Have you RECONSIDERED?
Feigned enthusiasm is a form of lying
I need to trim my nails.
This desktop is pretty good.
I suffer from burnout pretty regularly.
But I exercised today w/mother.
&& I think I’m recovering.
Thanks for reading.