I don’t know what to say. I have been struggling, too.
I’m trying to make (I hate this word: ) metaphysical progress on the front(s).
I am making aforementioned progress.
I only had 1.5 g kratom today. Tomorrow I will have none.
Hopefully I can take photography && poetry more seriously.
There is too much to create, do, progress upon, science (yes, as a verb), constructively destroy.
There is too much to do.
I will not do enough, in my lifetime. This is finite.
My father has been struggling. He doesn’t show it. He always gets angry. But his sessions as his chromebook are sessions of loneliness.
I don’t know how to help him.
I don’t need to have such a bad attitude all the time.
I talked w/Gemini just now, && it helped me w/some ideas for keeping kratom under control.
Also how to handle Saturdays.
The rule for me, for Saturdays, is to not explicitly schedule anything ON them (particularly not in electronic devices), but if something is like “every 2 days”, then it will inherently fall on Saturday once every two weeks. So like, keep that task, do that on Saturday.
Do morning routine on Saturdays.
Do afternoon break on Saturdays.
Do evening break on Saturdays.
…
One thing that still suprises me–&& perhaps always surprised me–is how much immense effort && strain is required to think for oneself. To think autonomously. There are opinions EVERYWHERE–some w/labels of “Professional (definitely not anecdotal advice!)” some w/numbers next to them called “statistics”.
The individual is nigh over.
So I don’t know.
&& desire is not an all-or-none either-or thing. I think that’s something my Irish friend didn’t get when we were friends in high school. College.
Death.
…
I don’t know.
I’m sorry for dumping on the reader. Hopefully you are super-tough && can handle my rough language. I guess that’s one way to describe it–rough && tough.
I don’t know. I don’t feel good. This house feels like a prison.
I guess I need to do some chores.
I don’t work hard enough. I work on my web app && send out one resume a week.
I’m lonely. My mother is… has forgotten things.
Going for a hike w/brothers && mother.
Hopefully it goes OK.
Thanks for reading.
I’m sorry I didn’t mean to insult anyone, and just, the reader is very unhappy w/my writing and situation/status.
So I aplologize.
…
We canceled the hike.
I guess it was too scary for me.
Having a bad feeling about something should be factored into whether you even attend or not.
Poor middle brother will be angry. Mother is fussy.
I guess I don’t know these people.
…
I’m sorry for the traumatic/traumatizing blog.
It does belong to me, though.
&& building it was something.
Anyway.