Daily Archives: 2026-10-12

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I don’t know. I’m feeling fine.

I was listening to an audiobook.

Now I am not.

I’ve started paper book reading more, recently.

I’m studying the ways of Krsna Murti. He has some ideas that resonate w/me.

I haven’t felt a genuine companionship from… more than a handful of people in my life.

One of them was Barbara Guest (a poet). Alice Oswald, too (also a poet). I need to be grounded to reality more. I’m lost in lala land. And reality is simple (as stupid as it sounds). It isn’t this or that.

It isn’t this or that.

So yeah. The other people on my hand I don’t even remember.

My family is… distant. I think I hurt them too much. My mother wants something out of life that she’s not getting. But at least she has her kids.

I’m implicitly paranoid that papa has telepathy.

FALSE. He does not. There is a logical explanation.

I have hallucinations (from my brain disease) && he probably talks in his sleep or sum shit.

What the fuck (do I care).

SO anyway.

That’s it for now.

Learning to close out.

Harbinger of doom, roam in la la land w/me.

What an untimely demise in the shower

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I haven’t been exercising enough.

I took another 1 pill green, 2 pills red.

So I’m about 10ish for the day.

That seems to be all I need.

So that’s good.

Something is stable.

For once.

…

How are you?

Sorry about that… other stuff.

That’s just my brain disease.

I guess anger is officially classified as a brain disease now.

This french audiobook about the Ukraine war is bugged by the Soviet Union, btw.

Oh well.

So how are you?

…

I don’t know.

What was I thinking (about)?

Do you know?

…

What do you know.

What is it. What is a rush.

What is bad at blogging.

There’s a cafe I go to once a week to get work done, && study.

But I don’t know.

It’s not the best. Cafe, I mean.

And that was dull.

&& aloe vera hasn’t been scientifically proven to help w/scrapes.

But my body likes it.

…

It’s like: finally, plants, the planet.

Oh boy extinction crisis!

😀

….

Fuck shit ass nigger thizz bitch. I will just robot you away.

You are, royal fuckshit.

You are, dogmatic shitstain.

You will, fuck the fucking fuck off.

Forever.

Perpetually hacked

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This blog is going really well. I am satisfied w/my work, even if indecisive at all the times && shooting of myself in the foot often.

So, deterministic logic is failing me.

I think the enemy (or opponent, or whatever you want to call it) in the system’s philosophy is trying to prove that deterministic logic is false.

It seems self-evident to me that they are stupid, beneath me, retarded fuckshits, and stupid retards.

Having said that, if you ever have a stalker, most likely you won’t know who it is.

I’m not implying that I’m stalkish. I actually stay off social media && “THE DORK VEBB”.

Kratom dosage for today:

  • 4 pills = 2 g in morning (2 pills = 1 g green maeng da, 2 pills = 1 g red borneo).
  • 1 pill @ cafe in bathroom (I have a little emergency pill holder–for both prescriptions PRNs && self-prescribed herbal medicines) of I don’t know what vein, red or green, b/c I dropped the other one on the floor and trashed it immediately (don’t do dirty drugs, hygiene, sterility, cleanliness, disease, common sense–do these words make sense to you?), and the bathroom lighting wasn’t super-bright (I can normally see the color difference between the two varieties) = 0.5 g green or red vein (unknown).
  • 3 pills = 1 green vein, 2 red vein (prior conversions apply, as well) for evening (after taking a like, 3-hour break).

I am starting to feel better. I set up my task list with a SCHEDULE that FITS me! =D

Microsoft to-do is really good software.

It’s hard to find good software these days.

And this french audiobook is… blatant religious trash, and the author is an egotistical prick, but eh, it’s an audiobook. I don’t know why amazon isn’t paying me to listen to it. It’s total shit. Fuck you, ass.

And that’s that.

It’s good to take breaks.

Would I be able to live without water for twenty years? I have an addiction to water.

C-C-C-C-C-combo breaker

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Fuck you shit bitch. Fuck you shit bitch fuckass retard niggerchink. Fuck you shithole fucker nigger dirt trash retard indian chink gringo fuckant fuckass garbage nothing.

I don’t know what to say.

I’m tired.

I don’t want to see what it is.

This isn’t sustainable.

This isn’t sustainable.

Some things genuinely bother me.

I guess I’ll hide, for now.

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I need to make a blue deck.

To play against mother.

She uses mono-red (simple cards).

In Magic: The Gathering (a card game).

Out of the starter essentials what’s it called release.

Foundations.

Brother got me a foundations box for my birthday.

So I’m obligated to exercise my fun muscles.

My family likes happy me.

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Yeah, kratom definitely has longer-term effects. I didn’t redose, just had a slightly stronger morning dose, and am still clean for the night, though I’ve been taking daily for like a week or two, and I’m getting a little opy-ness right now.

That means, mild euphoria.

So it’s good. It definitely takes time to process, and it’s best not to interrupt the plant when it’s at work.

So yeah. I am learning to “just let it be” instead of OPTIMATOR.

Hopefully you can tell the difference, too.

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&& yes to clarify, I am not getting anything other than a minor hedonistic urge for more pills, but like, overall, I feel totally fine. I am drinking my green tea (NOT kratom), and taking a break.

I guess what I mean to say is, I feel relaxed.

&&–dare I say it–in control at the same time?

Anyway. Still learning, don’t quote me on anything, and take what’s beneficial (and maybe a little more than that) and AUTONOMOUS THOUGHT REQUIRED.

Tweedle dum, tweedle dee~