I am so bad at blogging. Wow.

This blog is not going to make me any friends.

Oh well.

I don’t know. Something doesn’t feel right.

I hate to say that cliche thing, but I guess.

I’ve been doing a lot of self-improvement lately.

It seems all a waste, if this is how I come off on the internet.

Oh well. I guess I just have a bad personality.

I really hope no one ever reads this blog.

Stupid stupid stupid.

…

Google gemini is like, terrible software. I dunno.

I’m sorry for the violent rant.

I don’t intend any harm to anyone or anything.

I’m just here, psychotic little me, trying to lose weight while swearing.

…

I live in Asia. i LIVE IN ASIA.

…

No, sorry.

Sorry, no.

…

I don’t have anything to say to anyone.

I don’t know why I’m here.

I took some photographs tonight, on the walk w/my mom.

So there’s that.

Seems red vein, in high doses, causes intense emotion, too.

I’m not used to it.

Well, I guess it is what it is.

Sorry for worrying anyone.

…

Also, I just have voices. There’s nothing I can do about that.

So I guess I’ll just have to get used to it.

…

Yeah. I took good photographs during the walk w/mother.

You’ll like them. I won’t share them w/you, though.

Sorry about that.

My mother is there to look out for me. I should not be so mean to her.

I really do not want to be accused of elderly abuse.

&& all this I have, it something.

I think.

…

So what would you say? There are impulses of this or that, && it is interesting.

I don’t feel good. That walk w/mother did something to me.

Decreasing the SSRI is also rough so far.

It will be better tomorrow.

My heart rate is calm right now, though. Which I like.

I don’t know. I will try to play piano on Fridays from now on.

It’s good to have moments of lucidity to see how paranoid I am.

I don’t like the term “delusional” b/c it is often used, or it was, for like, “delusions of grandeur”, or like, a delusional ego, hitting on some lady.

I don’t know.

Sorry for causing you all your problems.

This is bad.

I don’t know why, but it is.

There’s something not right w/my blog right now.

Well.

I guess withdrawal from the SSRI decrease is rough.

I will go to bed on time though.

Which is ~1 AM for me.

&& mom && I are going out tomorrow. I’ll get some coding done @ the cafe.

She wants to go bag shopping.

I guess I shouldn’t die before then.

Or go to a hospital or w/e.

Sorry for swearing so much. I really like swearing. It doesn’t get anything done though, which is strange to me, b/c usually it gets things done.

Oh well.

Ty for being stupid retardt psycho bitch && blaming yr problems on me. You are very responsible && superior to everyone else.

Good job, stupid.

So what else is there?

I don’t know what to say. Gaming is dead. I do some daily writing, in the morning, after I wake up, && have a ton of chores.

I will start weightlifting twice a week.

Tues/Thurs.

Which is T/R in correct notation.

Fuck off go die.

Fuck you shit bitch.
Goedie.

I don’t know. The fucking like, antidopaminergics cut off my reward neurotransmitter.

How is that health?

What the fuck?

Modern psychiatry is braindead. Fuck you bitch, go jump off a bridge.

&& the kratom is good.

Let’s establish a range of the dosage (I lost track of it) for today. No more, hopefully.

…

I would say anywhere between 8 && 12 g today.

Is this more than normal?

I don’t know, I don’t know what to say.

But i see the warning sign: I need it to pick me up.

Although, today was a pretty fucked day.

I will from now on after triggering myself by walking throiugh the neigborhood && up the hill w/mother, detox AWAY from the parents, after I get back w mother, go TO my bedroom, and self-isolate. For like. Half an hour.

B/c that’s how deadly the parents are.

…

I would like to increase my risperidone, I would like to decrease my olanzapine, I would like 0 mg fluoxetine.

I am not suicidal or homicidal.

As the natural pace of shitstorm plus fucks me.

Fuck you shit fuck ass gotohell.

Retards.

Fuck you, shit fuck shit fuck shit fuck shit fuck fuck off kill yrself.

Retards.

Fuck you, bitch.

You don’t know me. I am nobody. I live in Asia.

Go fuck off.

&& I think maybe increasing my risperidone from 6 mg to 8 mg would be good.

5 mg olanzapine seems to be good.

The ssri is completely unnecessary.

Fuck shit as.

Where are these voices coming from? Why are there people in my room?

I decreased my ssri by myself twice, b/c it was too much empathy.

SO fuck off, retarded indian retard psychiatrist.

I will tell her.

I will NOT tell any of my doctorshits about my kratom.

THat would be signing my freedom rights away good bye by bye.

Fuck you, bitch.

The system needs to DIE.

Suck cock, bitch.

Set yrself on FIRE.