I went the weekend kratom-free, except for Saturday morning (I had 1.5 g).

Today I’m at ~7.5 g.

That’s more or less normal for me.

I am already under mental care. I have a therapist && psychiatrist. I’ve had them both for about a year or two now. Closer to two (2) years.

Maybe 3.

I don’t remember.

They’re good people. Obviously anything could be better, but eh.

…

I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry for causing problems. I’m fine, though. I’m more or less stable. The kratom really helps w/social anxiety. I also have a medically prescribed anxiolytic, that helps, even w/psychotic episodes it helps.

I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry for all of this.

I don’t know what else to say.

Today was busy.

I’ve been making a lot of progress recently.

It’s cool. It’s good. It’s lemon-lime groovy.

…

What else? What else is there? Does it matter?

Mattress sale.

Does it mattress sale?

…

I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry if I worried anyone. It’s cool.

…

I don’t know what to say. It’s not all that exciting. I’m starting to read more.

The weekend off from kratom was a little, I was more anxious, && a little off. But it was necessary. If I take every weekend off, I’ll get used to the flow.

I noticed Monday morning I didn’t have a desire for as much.

So what is new w/me? I’m chasing a job in pharma. California has a good industry there.

I’m actually very qualified. I don’t really use social media at all, except for this blog.

I’m qualified, and qualified for this job. So I’m trying to do a good job on the job application.

…

Letting things rest after settling is an art, && I am a little clumsy there.

I would love to work in science again. The tech(nology) is getting to the point where, it’s sort of… actually really advanced, now. Like impressive, even to me.

Obviously it’s very mundane && tedious in actuality, behind the scenes, but I think I’m ready for that, finally.

That’s about it for now.

I can leave this blog post, and rest, or go do something else. && my head won’t explode from a landmine.

So that’s nice.

…

Went to the library today, w/mother. I’m starting to sort of socially reintegrate.

Schizoaffective disorder, like what it ACTUALLY is, even me, having been sick for over a decade, I’m starting to see. You can only know so much about yourself until you’re in the light/shadow of others.

…

That’s it for now.

Thanks for reading.