Would you like to play kick-a-baby?
I’m starting to take this whole thing more seriously.
Maybe I AM allowed to have things that make me feel better. Whether they’re things or actions.
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Oh yah I forgot I need to pay a medical bill & vote for like lesser political offices.
Fuckers retards ass shits. Niggers die bitch kill yrself.
I am going to assassinate… somebody.
How do you feel now?
Die-die fuck-shit die-die.
, <– that’s a comma for you. <– (period).
Fuck you shit bitch. Die shit fuck off nigger thizz retard bitch.
There’s nothing to do but blog.
What would you like to discuss? I have an avid mind.
Burn all books raw.
Fuck off.
Shit bitch retards fuckers.
Shit fucks retards ass-niggers DIE BITCH DIE.
Fuckers shit fuck ass shit.
The noisy enemy republicans in the neighborhood are talking loudly at 11 PM again.
Here I am silently writing.
Who is a good person?
If someone told you to jump off a bridge, would you?
Fuck you shit fuck ass nigger thizz retard asshole fuckup nobody.
Fuck you kill yrslf.
Fucking salsasauce.
How empty.
Defeated.
What else could it be?
I give in, I give up, I give out–do I go on?
Where is the rhythm in this rhyme?
Docks offer five.
High haven but no recuse.
Shitfuck ass nigger thizz bitch. Kill yrself.
Fuck you shit fuck ass nigger thizz bitch. Retards yelling at me.
Stupid fucking retards yelling at me.
I don’t know what tosay.
All I can say is I’m being too loud w/my mechanical keyboard, && the enemy is pilocing me.
What isup with the restives.
Fuck you shit bitch.
Die die die fuckups.
Go do something terrible.
Fuckers whores assshits niggerbitches retards fuck you shit bitch. Die shit bitch, die.
Fuck you shit bitch die.
Fuck you shit bitch die.
Take literature seriously, asscrack fuckup.
Kill yrself.
Fuck you bitch.
Die bitch. Stupid fucking retards.
They are spying on me. They have screen cap on my screen.
They can hear every key being typed out by me, and know which keys they are, they aren’t telepathic.
They’re just human.
And still, it is safe.
…
Fuck shit ass nigger thizz bitch retard fuckup. Die bitch die.
Fucking freeways.
There ist gosses.
Die shit fuckup retard ass nigger, die. Kill yrself.
Fuckers whores causing problems, fuckers whores causing problems.
I’m totally in the clean though.
So fuck you, fucking jump off a bridge.
…
Fuck shit bitch. Die shit bitch. Die shit fuck kill yrself.
Fuck you whroeass niggerbitch. Di ebitc bitch die.
Fuck off. Fuck you shit fucker(s). I am going to KILL you.
You stupid whoreass niggerbitches.
Stupid retards… w/o mustAsses.
Fuc shit fuck shit fuck kill yrself. You stupid whoreass niggerbitch. You stupid retard. you are such fuckd.
Kill dem.
Dill camp.
Hello hell.
Hello gel hell.
Die shit fuck shit fuck shit die.
Ass nigger thizz bitch.
I am going to kill you.
Fuck you shit bitch.
It can waot.
What is the rucking fucking retarkd ass sauce?
Fuck you btich. Stupid retards fuck off. DIe bitch die.
Fuck you shit fucking whoreass niggerhtizz bitch. I am going to assassinate the president.
Fuck oyu bitch. Say it out loud!
Fuckers.
WHore. Ass. Retards.
I’ll take that point.
Fucking.
Fucking whore ass. Fucking.
Fucking, the verb, as a noun.
Shit fuck ass nigger thizz bitch.
So… which country do I live in?
Fuck you shti bitch. Fuck you shit fuck ass my dad’s car sux.
Fuck shit fuck ass.
The corruptikon. The corruptio9n.
Fuck you shit bitch. Fuck off and die.
Fucking whore ass nigger thizz bitches. I am going to kill everyone.
That’s about it.
I’m going to kill everyone.
Good day, fuckups.
Shit fuck ass nigggers stupid retards.
Butt er but shit fucks shit fucks shit fucks. I am going to kill yoou.
The shit fuck ass nigge rredtards fuck you shit bitch.
I am going to kill you.
You stupid whore.
Fuck off.
Die bitch die. Fuckers. REtards. Ass whores.
Die bitch bie ditch.
Retard fuck-whores.
You seem to be under the delusion that your opinion matters.
COnsider suicide. You are ugly and stupid.
Fucking ass shits.
Niggers. Keep those niggers under control, doc.
Doctors w/niggers. What is next.
Fuck shit ass nigger thizz bitch.
REtard computer software. SOmething is ALWAYS broken.
Fuck you shit bitch.
I am going to kill you.
you fucking retard ass-whore. You shit bitch stupid bitch retard ass shit fuck retard.
And I am going to kill you.
You stupid shit fuck.
Yeah so overall, a little more than expected today, but still in the good range.
And opy effects strong enough to be pleasant, not blunt euphoria, but it’s still good (and trying to stay safe as of now).
So the morning was 3 pills of kratom.
The early evening (around 4-6) was 4 (inclining toward red vein to relax).
And ACTUALLY, I had (this is the “slightly more” part) 4 more red vein, 2 + 2 split over time, later tonight (around 9-10ish PM). So the cool part? I’ve unlocked the opy effects, so the euphoria is starting to somewhat relieve my worries, anxiety, tense muscles, negative mindset, etc.
So that’s good.
This is just what I needed.
Google’s Gemini AI is super according-to-the-science, and is like warned me about addiction.
I’m really really trying to avoid addiction.
IS addiction super bad like I make it out to be? YES. It totally horrified && crippled me, a few (like 5-ish) years ago.
So it’s strange, that I would try again.
But I think I’m smarter, more mature this time, && also Mitragaia did put a nutrition facts label on their bags (or at least the pills bags I have), so… technically, drug progressivism is making… progress.
Too.
I love you baby, what is an arse, how far can you go?
Alone.
…
The last thing for this post, is, anything takes practice. Just “doing a lot” doesn’t guarantee a good time. So in any case, you can give control to the substance, and it should be self-evident that this time I am trying to control IT more so than last time.
Try to maintain healthy relations w/the spirit world, I guess.
And I don’t think, I was going to say, that if you want like heavenly blissful euphoria, you would just start off by taking a fucking lot of ktea. That’s abuse. But not in a stigmatic way. I just mean… herbal medicine takes some practice. Yes, it can be dangerous. It is less dangerous if you know what you’re doing.
Last time (not recently, I mean rather like 5-ish years ago), I did not know what I was doing. And I literally had waking lucid nightmares while in my bedroom, the panic/fear center of my brain was very active, to put it gently.
So anyway. Is it stupid to brave that, to enjoy the benefits?
Like I said, I’m being much more cautious this time.
&& grounded.
&& practical/pragmatic.
So hopefully it turns out OK, && I can just have this herbal supplement for the rest of my life, to help me cope with stressful life situations, && just to sort of… lighten the mood, responsibly.
Hey, alcohol and coffee are both legal. You don’t even need an ID to buy coffee.
So anyway, I’d say, kratom is sort of like, good. && good to me.
And it will take some logic to figure out how much is good for me.
That’s about it for now.
Thanks for listening.
So I think, sometimes, you just have to towel in && say, well, even a heavy dose of kratom isn’t going to fix this.
Sometimes problems are real. Not that social anxiety, mood disorders, && fatigue/depression aren’t real problems (that I sort of use kratom to treat), but I mean like. If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail, right?
So definitely I do not recommend binging on kratom. If it’s an opy strain, it will make you dizzy && nauseous, && if it is a gentle strain, it won’t do much more than a smarter, lighter dose would have done anyway.
Learn from my mistakes–don’t repeat them.
I started reading a book by Krsna Murti, to go along w/my yin yoga practice.
&& I want to go for a nature hike once a week–if nothing else to get away from screens.
Had a nice lunch w/fam.
I don’t know. I’m going to re-dose a little now.
Is it suspicious that I am increasing my dose?
I think, I thought, I would think, I should think, that the noise should clear everything out (the ocean waves on the shore… in, out, in, out…) in the long run provided there are clear boundaries between safe usage && unsafe usage.
I’m trying to employ as many of those boundaries as I can.
So actually, BEFORE I dose, I am thinking (&& as a reminder I had 0.5 g green maeng da + 1.0 g red borneo this morning before going to the restaurant w/fam–helped w/social anxiety disorder about 70-80 %) of re-dosing w/ 0.5 more green maeng da, && another 1.5 g red borneo.
If dosages consistently go up, in my usage, && I find ways to justify them, or it seems “innocent” to me, then that’s a blaring sign the plant is starting to mess w/my head. That is a warning sign.
The ? then is, how to gauge whether the increase speed is bad, or if usage is still responsible or irresponsible.
So far, on average, it seems I need about 3 doses a day–one after waking up (alongside morning supplements && psych meds (not safe for everyone–some psych meds can be intense, as well as some supplements, && adding kratom to that may tip the tanker)), one in the late afternoon is good (3-5 PM), && one at night soon before bed (seems to help w/my sleep? maybe? tentative guesswork).
If each dose is 3 pills, that’s 9 pills total, which is 4.5 g a day for me.
Before bed, I might take just 1.0 g red borneo tonight. That seems enough.
But right now I just need to relax.
So I’m going to go have my 0.5 g (1 pill) green md + 1.5 g (3 pill) red borneo.
Thanks.
Sorry for the imperfect pseudosciency non-analysis of everything. I am actually trained in science, but not medicine (for the most part), so it’s a tough hand of cards to play.
I’m just trying to help.
Best of luck on your side.