In retrospect, simultaneously reducing my ssri && re-starting kratom supplements probably wasn’t the smartest move.
But I survived today.
I don’t know what else to say.
I got da blues.
Is this OKAY WITH EVERYONE?
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I don’t know what to say.
I have to exercise so much just to feel normal.
I’m not one to do things unless I want to.
It feels stupid to push yourself to do something leisurely.
How is doing something leisurely GOOD for anyone?
…
Happiness is not worth it. Don’t bother.
…
I got da blues.
I overdosed on kratom a little bit today.
I had like, 2 capsules in the morning, and 3 before heading out again for errands w/mom (I’m hiding it from her, so far–and probably for a while).
I had like 6 or 7 total yesterday, too. Capsules.
Really, that’s too much.
It appears to stay in the system/bloodstream/whereverbodypartsorgans for a while. I would estimate even up to a few days, based on this experience.
&& it IS digested slowly, so like, if you have too much–get ready for dizziness, a bad stomach ache, && just sort of like, serotonin rush (not entirely pleasant).
I feel calmer now. I’m not having any more today. I’m sticking to my green tea (tea, not kratom), and later at night, herbal tea.
Going out pumpkin picking w/fam-fam tomm.
Should be good.
…
But something is missing. Something is lacking.
I got both my heart points && step count goals for today. I don’t know. It’s not enough
I guess I could do some yoga.
But my back hurts.
Maybe I should stretch.
I’m so tired of all thisse-ahh horse-shitte.
I don’t know.
The movies mom is watching are super tense, lots of emptiness, silence–some italian producer/directory known for examining loneliness at the time.
I would estimate it’s only worse nowadays.
Oh well.
…
I guess that’s it for now.
Sorry for freaking anyone out.
Thanks for reading~
You are fucking trash.
I am going to kill you.
Good day.
Sorry if I worried anyone.
I’m doing much better.
Kratom, apparently, is my fix.
&& in retrospect, I was doing like heroin-level doses before.
Now just a few supplement capsules is not much at all. && it already has improved my behavior so much.
But we’ll have to wait long-term to see how it levels out.
Also I DID decrease my SSRI again.
I mean, just the one time.
Just reiterating.
I’m on an SSRI, two antipsychotics, && I just restarted kratom without anyone’s approval.
How nice of me.
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Fuck shit ass nigger thizz bitch. Die bitch, die. Fuck you, bitch. You stupid whore.
Fuck you.
Robots are so fucking stupid && narrow-minded.
Seems someone always has a reason to harass or yell at me.
You are clearly stupid, and there is no point in me talking to you
I’m so tired of this sickening horse shit.
Fuck, you, bitch. Go slit yr throat over a bridge somewhere.
Retards.
Let’s genocide the enemy
I hate Google.
I also hate immature pricks.
There are a lot.
…
Particularly those attracted to me.
They tend to be royal trash.
…
I started using the kratom (capsules) 2-dai,
&& the upper for work was pretty good. It was not perfect, though–something was definitely missing.
&& then I used 2 capsules (1. g) red vein for the evening.
That worked, too.
Now I’m trying one green, one red, for the night session.
I’m also tracking my supplements, pills, herbal medicines, etc. in a spreadsheet on my laptop using the scientific method.
No, it’s not smart.
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Fuckshit ass nigger thizz bitch. Die die die. Fuckers die.
Fuck you shit bitch.
…
So what else.
Let’s see.
The voices in the neighborhood (amplified by the wind tunnel on the freeway nearby) are verbally abusing me again.
They seem to think things.
But that is a delusion. These fuckers don’t think: THEY TALK.
…
There’s so much to explore.
As the conservatives of Earth hopefully fix their poltiical base or what the shit and start being… good? At what they value? Family, finance, &&…
I guess that’s about it.
Those are two important things.
If the reds are this shit (not the red vein ktea supps, but the red politicals), then definitely I can see why Earth is not doing well.
I don’t feel the need to clarify what I mean by that.
…
What else?
Oh yah fuck you.
Shitfick.
Slave kills the baby.
What is it worth.