Stop eating so much, fuckshit.
I fucking hate my mother’s cooking.
My parents are delusional, and they will never accept reality. Ever.
Fuck you thizz bitch retard ass nigger fuckup.
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Category Archives: blog
posit dilemma
So for the evening session, w/my evening pills, exercise, && chores (all evening stuff (doesn’t last all evening)), today, I took 1 pill green maeng da && 2 pills red borneo.
That was a couple hours ago.
Just now, b/c I am still wired, I took 3 more pills red borneo.
This makes 0.5 g green maeng da (for altertness–just generally a good thing when not in excess (what is excess?)) && 2.5 g red borneo.
This is a pretty solid round number.
So I think, morning or evening, 3-6 pills (1.5 – 3 g) is good for me.
This is a little LESS than the recommended dosage from my kratom dealer (Mitragaia.com).
Everyone is different. Not in some cheeky like moral sort of way, but actually physically (and I suppose personality as well).
So there’s that.
I don’t know what to expect. But I really want to fix or sort out my evenings.
I noticed a while ago that my personal life is much worse than my work life.
I tend to do pretty good at work stuff time (though not for long enough, according to a traditional clock), but struggle when I’m… free.
Don’t abuse language, as a final consideration.
Never date a girl (well never date a girl to start–date a woman) who corrects you all the time.
I’m noticing that 4 pills in the morning for my workday routine, after waking up, w/auxiliary psychiatric prescriptions && nutritional supplements, works PERFECTLY for me. The evening is where the fucking of uppage is.
I’ve noticed some things.
Green maeng da is somewhat hard on the stomach (I believe all green vein strains are–there may be slight exceptions) / kicks my ass if I even have a moderate dose.
Green + red together do not really pose health risks–they’re just good for calm focus.
Red vein is very gentle. It would be nice if it could stand up for itself a little better, but I guess that’s just how calming down works in humans.
Fwiw, I wouldn’t feed my cat, or our fish.
Can you guess what dosage I took this morning?
🙂
(Would also like a third strain, just to sort of mix it up–kratom is not expensive unless you’re super-mega junkie, like I was before. My current stash — just 2 (two) bags, should last at least a year).
Thanks for reading.
Sorry for the barbaric language. I’m trying to manage my affairs better. I want to go in nature more, be in nature more, so mother && I are going on a short hike through a nearby forest tomorrow.
I discussed w/one of the robots if I’m spoiled. It “validated my guilt”, but said I was not spoiled.
Oh well. High hopes wah-wah.
I don’t know. I don’t like these evening kratom cravings. Ideally I just have my dose after work stuff is done && go about my business, entertaining myself or whatever the shit it is the 1st world does when not working.
But the cravings are worse in the evening than in the morning. This exact pattern, however (take dose, go about business–no problems) happens in the morning.
I had 7 pills (3.5 g) this evening, && am disappointed w/red borneo. Green maeng da would’ve been preferred, but I didn’t want to be overactive tonight–I need to sleep on time-ish b/c mother and I are going out tomorrow.
Still paranoid of stalkers. It is completely illogical.
I don’t know.
I’ll try to see what else I can do in my psychological defense. I set a hard upper limit tonight of 8 pills (4 g–the recommended dosage for starters from Mitragaia).
So there’s that.
Yeahp.
Microsoft To-Do is surprisingly good software. It’s hard to find good software these days. I really like its design features. It works well for my evenings.
…
Free time stuff. What woe is me shitty filigree.
Or whatever.
I don’t know what to say. I am sort of skirting around the truth w/everyone. I am an utter slimenballen.
I am stupid, and stupid.
And I don’t know what to do about it.
I am interested in meeting people, so if you want to be linked to or a guest post about something, just let me know. You can leave a comment, which as a reminder is visible to the public.
The real ? now is not whether kratom is safe in my current situation, but a ? of how I survived previously.
Well the simple answer is, that overdose is very hard to accomplish. It usually happens on accident, w/synthetic drugs (usually Dr-recommended ones) like tylenol. When you’re taking something that is genuinely herbal, or somehow intense && bioactive and not just like, pittance, and you take too much…
You throw up.
I threw up a lot when I was on kratom.
Also I had lucid nightmares.
It was a scarring experience.
Yes I am trying again.
This time, more intelligently.
Kratom is really good for me.
Now that I’m not a junkie anymore, && actually being safe && rational about it, I’m starting to appreciate that it’s not a constant stream of eternal bliss.
That doesn’t exist.
But it pops up every once in a while, helps out.
It’s just herbal medicine, basically.
Psychoactive herbal medicine.
So that’s nice.
I’m taking probably thousands of Xs a lower dosage than I was previously.
So that’s good.
I wonder how long it will take for my confidence in myself to recover, however.
I’m tired. The enemy is winning.