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Kratom update

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I’m reaching the point that I am stopping counting my dosage throughout the day.

This means I am reaching an intermediate skill level in usage of the plant.

I can estimate from memory @ the end of the day (if I need to) && add the 0.5 g addition (offset) on top to be on the safe side.

Am I addicted to kratom?

Yes.

But I don’t like the word addicted.

Am I addicted to risperidone? Fluoxetine? Olanzapine? Clonazepam?

Well anyway. So there’s that argument, which isn’t given nearly enough light in MD PhD (psychiatric) programs.

I am not addicted to kratom. I depend on it. It is a plant. People have evolved w/psychoactive plants for millions of years. Hundreds of millions of years. I don’t know.

So like, it helps me. It is a good plant. It is an herb. It is a good herb.

I have safety mechanisms in place to control the dependence. But the plant depends on me, too.

It is commensal. Or mutual beneficial (whatever the ecology term is).

So, has anyone considered that it may actually be SAFER to use kratom? For me? Personally?

Do you even know me? My situation? Then how can you know?

You’re not my doctor. Go home.

This is purely for argument’s sake. But it is pragmatic/applied to real circumstances.

So, I would say, have a good stock on hand (few months supply), && if it becomes illegal in some republican shitshow or something, or something happens (shit happens, after all), you have a liberal buffer for tapering off.

I recommend tapering to cold turkey. Cold turkey isn’t always physiologically safe. It depends, of course. Sometimes one is safer, sometimes the other is safer.

So have an exit plan. Just in case.

But for now, enjoy the beauty of this moment.

You have an intricate relation with a plant, from the Earth. This is beautiful.

Enjoy what it gives. The headspace, the relaxation/focus (depending on strain && cocktail composition), the sociability.

I think this is safe, && I am in a good place.

So for now, that’s about it.

Thanks for reading.

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I don’t know. I’m sorry for everything. I’d like a nice natural eye cream, but the stuff

at Trader Joe’s is good, but like… not strong enough. I like it though. I just wish there

was something a little stronger for my eye bags.

I’m like, trying to take neater care of myself, hygienically && stylistically.

I started reading books again recently.

It makes me really happy. I don’t know. I only read a few pages at a time,

but I like to read like a few pages each of like 3-4 books at a time.

I got some from the library, && some from my bookshelf.

Not all fiction, either. One about gardening.

A Lonely Planet country guide. To get to know a certain country for

certain reasons.

…

I don’t know what else to say. Things are improving.

I need to go play tennis w/my brothers at some point, on some weekend.

Could my family identify me from this blog? Yeah, probably.

I just hope they never find it.

…

Sorry.

Thanks for reading.

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Fresh batch of kratom is a really nice thing.

I may take next (not this, but the following) week completely off of kratom, to a) remove tolerance, && b) see how I do w/o it.

I think this is pretty basically what I am going to do next week.

Including both the weekend before, && the weekend after (to maintain a rhythm / for posterity). So, 9 days.

Wish me luck.

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I refilled my temp containers (former tea bag containers) w/the bags of red borneo && bali, && the other container w/green maeng da.

I like red borneo a lot. It is, I can feel it, it really is like, satisfying, && removes the edge from my psyche.

Green Maeng Da is good for getting things done.

I don’t know. I might take a week off soon, just to get the tolerance gone && to be able to enjoy it vibrantly again.

But for now, it is gentle, && I have other things going on (SSRI reduction, job apps, trying to exercise more).

Thanks for reading.

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I already take the entirety of weekends off completely from kratom.

I keep track of how much I have.

I use capsules instead of loose powder.

I try to live an otherwise healthy lifestyle.

I don’t know what else to do.

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I didn’t exercise enough today.

I had some blackberries, raw white onion, && a cup of cranberry juice.

Healthy food exists.

I’m @ like 10 or 11 g kratom today so far.

I had 2 g in the morning.

I’m definitely starting to feel tolerance, after about a month of daily usage.

I need to figure out how to keep this good thing under control.

The thing is, just b/c you don’t feel good, doesn’t mean it isn’t helping you, or that you need to take more.

Sometimes not feeling good is the ethical option.

&& sometimes not feeling good is rewarding.

So anyway. I wish happiness were that easy, but I guess it isn’t.

Need to brush my teeth.

(Stark dissidence).

Fuck you, duck.